If Newspoll ran figures on coaching approval ratings I imagine Dimma’s numbers would be somewhere around those of Vladamir Putin's outside of Russia.
After North went on a tear and ended the context, exactly as they did last year. Hardwick trotted out the tried and true ‘20 minute lapses’ line, he trots it out that often that if in fact he was a politician you’d swear they must have internal polling that it’s what the people want to hear. If I hear anything remotely like ‘stop the goals’ then I’m taking to Punt Road with a flamethrower.
There is a different way to flip the lapses argument. Given they happen with more regularity than someone on a diet of Metamucil and prunes, is it fair if good teams only need to turn it on for 20 minutes to beat us? Someone should put that up for that god awful weekly video where he uses selected stats from two years ago to try and make himself us feel better about the fact that the ship is sailing along the border of Zambia and Zimbabwe and completely oblivious that the Victoria Falls are just around the corner.
While it is true that this time last year we were all bemoaning how awful everything was before they dramatically turned it around, but as unlikely as that seemed last year, it seems ten times as unlikely this year.
To be fair to Dimma and whoever else from our coaching staff is yet to leave for Brisbane without being replaced, they can’t exactly go out there and kick it for them. From Ivvy missing from dead in front and (insert player)’s fascination with hoofing it into the middle of the ground and into the waiting arms of Goldstein, Hansen or Tarrant you’d swear that they had it in for him.
The third quarter was about as bleak as I can remember. They were rudderless, leaderless, directionless and you may as well head here to cut out the middle-man.
Blow by blow, here are the things they managed to jack up in that quarter. These are only the ones that happened on camera, so who knows what kind of shenanigans were going on behind the play.
Sorted by time remaining.
19:45 - Ellis waits before kicking to Riewoldt, changing a one-on-one to a two-on-one.
19:28 - Maric completely outbodied by Goldstein in a ball up.
19:05 - Dusty overruns the ball and North clear from our forward line.
18:56 - Bachar gets caught ball watching and Boomer clears the ball up the wing to a free North midfielder.
18:43 - Cotchin scuffs a kick going forward, North clear defence easily.
18:33 - Tarrant breaks a Gordon tackle, and finds a loose man with a handball
17:57 - Ellis misses a relatively easy set shot.
17:46 - McIntosh over-commits in a two-on-one marking contest on our half forward flank, Wood clears easily for North.
17:32 - Cotchin fails to hit Gordon on the full from 25 metres, he recovers but more pressure on play than should have been.
17:28 - Gordon gets it back to Cotchin, who then fails to hit a completely free Riewoldt.
17:22 - Ball spills free from Cotchin’s missed pass to Riewoldt, Cotchin then tackles Thompson high and gives away a free kick.
16:47: Bachar misses a tackle on Ben Jacobs who kicks North inside 50.
16:43: Vlastuin tackles Lindsay Thomas high, Thomas goals from exactly same part of the ground that Ellis missed from. Thomas then gets stuck into Vlastuin, Miles is the only Richmond player who cares enough to fly the flag.
15:14 - Lachie Hansen somehow finds himself completely free 50 metres out from a Boomer kick in.
14:32 - Jack gets stuck behind Thompson and is out-marked in a one-on-one.
13:30 - Gordon bungles an inside 50, Tarrant marks uncontested.
13:10 - Bachar fails to effectively tackle Higgins on our 50, North clear.
12:52 - Morris marks uncontested in the middle of the ground, handballs to Vlastuin who is standing still and is tackled by Ben Brown. Luckily the ball spills to Chaplin.
11:52 - Maric wins centre bounce but palms ball straight to Ziebell.
11:22 - Grimes wins a free but turns over a 45 metre pass straight to Goldstein, North stream forward, ball ends up with Petrie who kicks a goal.
10:33 - Higgins marks unopposed 53 metres out, Rance gives away a stupid 50 metre penalty, Higgins goals.
10:10 - Deledio gives an (admittedly very hard) handball to Rance’s feet, Rance swamped by North players, Richmond clear from desperation but kick straight to Hansen.
9:12 - Martin floats a kick across the ground transitioning off half back, Goldstein spoils, ball ends up with Thomas who goals.
8:19 - Miles gets a free kick from the centre bounce, tries an impossibly hard 15 metre short pass and North gain possession.
7:58 - Houli tackles Thomas high.
7:44 - Thomas floats a pass into the pocket, Waite marks uncontested amongst three Richmond defenders, goals.
6:42 - Morris leaves a tough set shot from 50 just short and North rush a behind.
5:40 - Dusty gives away holding free kick against Boomer just outside 50.
5:22 - Astbury spills a mark deep in defence, luckily ball goes through for a behind.
5:00 - Grigg floats a kick out of 50 to the wing, Sam Wright (of all people) marks near uncontested in a pack.
4:56 - Titch gives away just about the stupidest 50 metre penalty possible, Wright goals.
4:22 - Miles floats a handball out of a pack, intercepted by Cunnington.
4:15 - McIntosh scuffs a kick inside 50 straight to Wright, who clears.
3:46 - Deledio scrambles a kick forward from the wing, Wright beats two Richmond players and clears the ball.
3:23 - Dusty completely misses Deledio on an uncontested handball, Lids recovers but in more pressure than he should have been.
3:14 - Deledio then turns ball straight over in the middle of the ground to Gibson.
2:43 - Maric floats ball into middle of the group coming out of inside 50 and straight Wright, who then passes to an uncontested Waite.
1:59 - Vlastuin slips and drops a chest mark from the kick-in, balls ends up with Thomas who goals.
1:45 - Cunnington out bodies two Richmond players at the centre bounce to win a contest ball and send North forward again.
1:22 - Maric wins boundary throw in convincingly to Titch who fumbles the ball under very little pressure, forced to scramble to recover footy to Miles who kicks under pressure to a Riewoldt two-on-one and Hansen marks.
0:19 - Thomas beats two Richmond players to a contested footy, sends North forward.
0:02 - Dusty goes one handed for a mark, spills ball and is saved by siren.
Richmond under Hardwick and Don Draper have more in common than you realise. The best bits have left me sitting agog and wondering how such things can come about, but always sensing it’s not long before I'll be screaming ‘what the f$%k are you doing?’ at the TV and wondering why Steven Morris (not actually out worst on Saturday) is playing up forward or Don is cheating on Megan.
Thought, at the end of the day I still like both of them despite the awful things they have put me through and hold out hope that things will turn for the better. Don only has one episode left, Dimma has two-thirds of a season. Come September, they’ll probably both be out of my lives and I'll be scampering for a replacement and sad about things didn’t work out.
At least Don will have good times with Sylvia to remember when it all started to go wrong, Nick Duigan probably didn’t even buy Dimma a drink after he did the deed.
Changes for next week
Who knows what they’ll end up doing, I’ve given up trying to get a read on it.
Ins: McBean, Vickery, Arnot, Dea, Thomas, Menadue and Lennon
Outs: Griffiths (assuming he’s crook), Newman, Morris, Hunt, Astbury, Gordon and McIntosh (who I like but looks cooked)
The votes
5: Anthony Miles
4: Jack Riewoldt
3: Dustin Martin
2: Nick Vlastuin
1: Jake Batchelor
The Benny:
10: Shane Edwards and Bachar Houli
8: Anthony Miles
7: Trent Cotchin, Jack Riewoldt and Dustin Martin
6: Alex Rance, Shaun Grigg and Nick Vlastuin
5: Taylor Hunt
4: Brandon Ellis
3: Kamdyn McIntosh, Chris Newman, Ben Griffiths and Jake Batchelor
2: Sam Lloyd
1: Ivan Maric
Blair Hartley Appreciation Award:
10: Bachar Houli
8: Anthony Miles
6: Shaun Grigg
5: Taylor Hunt
1: Ivan Maric
Anthony Banik Best First Year Player:
3: Kamdyn McIntosh
Joel Bowden's Golden Left Boot:
10: Bachar Houli
6: Shaun Grigg
3: Jake Batchelor
Greg Tivendale Rookie List Medal:
No votes yet.
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