Road to nowhere

If Newspoll ran figures on coaching approval ratings I imagine Dimma’s numbers would be somewhere around those of Vladamir Putin's outside of Russia.

After North went on a tear and ended the context, exactly as they did last year. Hardwick trotted out the tried and true ‘20 minute lapses’ line, he trots it out that often that if in fact he was a politician you’d swear they must have internal polling that it’s what the people want to hear. If I hear anything remotely like ‘stop the goals’ then I’m taking to Punt Road with a flamethrower.

There is a different way to flip the lapses argument. Given they happen with more regularity than someone on a diet of Metamucil and prunes, is it fair if good teams only need to turn it on for 20 minutes to beat us? Someone should put that up for that god awful weekly video where he uses selected stats from two years ago to try and make himself us feel better about the fact that the ship is sailing along the border of Zambia and Zimbabwe and completely oblivious that the Victoria Falls are just around the corner.

While it is true that this time last year we were all bemoaning how awful everything was before they dramatically turned it around, but as unlikely as that seemed last year, it seems ten times as unlikely this year.

To be fair to Dimma and whoever else from our coaching staff is yet to leave for Brisbane without being replaced, they can’t exactly go out there and kick it for them. From Ivvy missing from dead in front and (insert player)’s fascination with hoofing it into the middle of the ground and into the waiting arms of Goldstein, Hansen or Tarrant you’d swear that they had it in for him.

The third quarter was about as bleak as I can remember. They were rudderless, leaderless, directionless and you may as well head here to cut out the middle-man.

Blow by blow, here are the things they managed to jack up in that quarter. These are only the ones that happened on camera, so who knows what kind of shenanigans were going on behind the play.

Sorted by time remaining.

19:45 - Ellis waits before kicking to Riewoldt, changing a one-on-one to a two-on-one.

19:28 - Maric completely outbodied by Goldstein in a ball up.

19:05 - Dusty overruns the ball and North clear from our forward line.

18:56 - Bachar gets caught ball watching and Boomer clears the ball up the wing to a free North midfielder.

18:43 - Cotchin scuffs a kick going forward, North clear defence easily.

18:33 - Tarrant breaks a Gordon tackle, and finds a loose man with a handball

17:57 - Ellis misses a relatively easy set shot.

17:46 - McIntosh over-commits in a two-on-one marking contest on our half forward flank, Wood clears easily for North.

17:32 - Cotchin fails to hit Gordon on the full from 25 metres, he recovers but more pressure on play than should have been.

17:28 - Gordon gets it back to Cotchin, who then fails to hit a completely free Riewoldt.

17:22 - Ball spills free from Cotchin’s missed pass to Riewoldt, Cotchin then tackles Thompson high and gives away a free kick.

16:47: Bachar misses a tackle on Ben Jacobs who kicks North inside 50.

16:43: Vlastuin tackles Lindsay Thomas high, Thomas goals from exactly same part of the ground that Ellis missed from. Thomas then gets stuck into Vlastuin, Miles is the only Richmond player who cares enough to fly the flag.

15:14 - Lachie Hansen somehow finds himself completely free 50 metres out from a Boomer kick in.

14:32 - Jack gets stuck behind Thompson and is out-marked in a one-on-one.

13:30 - Gordon bungles an inside 50, Tarrant marks uncontested.

13:10 - Bachar fails to effectively tackle Higgins on our 50, North clear.

12:52 - Morris marks uncontested in the middle of the ground, handballs to Vlastuin who is standing still and is tackled by Ben Brown. Luckily the ball spills to Chaplin.

11:52 - Maric wins centre bounce but palms ball straight to Ziebell.

11:22 - Grimes wins a free but turns over a 45 metre pass straight to Goldstein, North stream forward, ball ends up with Petrie who kicks a goal.

10:33 - Higgins marks unopposed 53 metres out, Rance gives away a stupid 50 metre penalty, Higgins goals.

10:10 - Deledio gives an (admittedly very hard) handball to Rance’s feet, Rance swamped by North players, Richmond clear from desperation but kick straight to Hansen.

9:12 - Martin floats a kick across the ground transitioning off half back, Goldstein spoils, ball ends up with Thomas who goals.

8:19 - Miles gets a free kick from the centre bounce, tries an impossibly hard 15 metre short pass and North gain possession.

7:58 - Houli tackles Thomas high.

7:44 - Thomas floats a pass into the pocket, Waite marks uncontested amongst three Richmond defenders, goals.

6:42 - Morris leaves a tough set shot from 50 just short and North rush a behind.

5:40 - Dusty gives away holding free kick against Boomer just outside 50.

5:22 - Astbury spills a mark deep in defence, luckily ball goes through for a behind.

5:00 - Grigg floats a kick out of 50 to the wing, Sam Wright (of all people) marks near uncontested in a pack.

4:56 - Titch gives away just about the stupidest 50 metre penalty possible, Wright goals.

4:22 - Miles floats a handball out of a pack, intercepted by Cunnington.

4:15 - McIntosh scuffs a kick inside 50 straight to Wright, who clears.

3:46 - Deledio scrambles a kick forward from the wing, Wright beats two Richmond players and clears the ball.

3:23 - Dusty completely misses Deledio on an uncontested handball, Lids recovers but in more pressure than he should have been.

3:14 - Deledio then turns ball straight over in the middle of the ground to Gibson.

2:43 - Maric floats ball into middle of the group coming out of inside 50 and straight Wright, who then passes to an uncontested Waite.

1:59 - Vlastuin slips and drops a chest mark from the kick-in, balls ends up with Thomas who goals.

1:45 - Cunnington out bodies two Richmond players at the centre bounce to win a contest ball and send North forward again.

1:22 - Maric wins boundary throw in convincingly to Titch who fumbles the ball under very little pressure, forced to scramble to recover footy to Miles who kicks under pressure to a Riewoldt two-on-one and Hansen marks.

0:19 - Thomas beats two Richmond players to a contested footy, sends North forward.

0:02 - Dusty goes one handed for a mark, spills ball and is saved by siren.

Richmond under Hardwick and Don Draper have more in common than you realise. The best bits have left me sitting agog and wondering how such things can come about, but always sensing it’s not long before I'll be screaming ‘what the f$%k are you doing?’ at the TV and wondering why Steven Morris (not actually out worst on Saturday) is playing up forward or Don is cheating on Megan.

Thought, at the end of the day I still like both of them despite the awful things they have put me through and hold out hope that things will turn for the better. Don only has one episode left, Dimma has two-thirds of a season. Come September, they’ll probably both be out of my lives and I'll be scampering for a replacement and sad about things didn’t work out.

At least Don will have good times with Sylvia to remember when it all started to go wrong, Nick Duigan probably didn’t even buy Dimma a drink after he did the deed.

Changes for next week

Who knows what they’ll end up doing, I’ve given up trying to get a read on it.

Ins: McBean, Vickery, Arnot, Dea, Thomas, Menadue and Lennon

Outs: Griffiths (assuming he’s crook), Newman, Morris, Hunt, Astbury, Gordon and McIntosh (who I like but looks cooked)

The votes

5: Anthony Miles

4: Jack Riewoldt

3: Dustin Martin

2: Nick Vlastuin

1: Jake Batchelor

The Benny:

10: Shane Edwards and Bachar Houli

8: Anthony Miles

7: Trent Cotchin, Jack Riewoldt and Dustin Martin

6: Alex Rance, Shaun Grigg and Nick Vlastuin

5: Taylor Hunt

4: Brandon Ellis

3: Kamdyn McIntosh, Chris Newman, Ben Griffiths and Jake Batchelor

2: Sam Lloyd

1: Ivan Maric

Blair Hartley Appreciation Award:

10: Bachar Houli

8: Anthony Miles

6: Shaun Grigg

5: Taylor Hunt

1: Ivan Maric

Anthony Banik Best First Year Player:

3: Kamdyn McIntosh

Joel Bowden's Golden Left Boot:

10: Bachar Houli

6: Shaun Grigg

3: Jake Batchelor

Greg Tivendale Rookie List Medal:

No votes yet.

Rabble, run

20 minutes was all it took.

We spent an hour building the possibility that something could be saved from this turgid season and then let Drew Petrie and Brent Harvey run over us in 20 minutes. A day later, it's almost possible to see the humour in a team full of downhill skiers being overrun by Petrie and Harvey.

Richmond are so mentally shot that everyone knew that North would get a run on, I'd just hoped our resistance would hold out for a little more than 20 minutes but Vive la Richmond! I suppose.

The first hour was great. We were aggressive, hard at it, direct, daring and accountable. Sure it was appropriate to ask why it took us until round whatevertis to show those traits but those questions would have come in the aftermath, at the time it was nice to enjoy it while it was on offer.

Then bam. They hit back and we wilted like a flower imported from Sweden trying to see out a summer in Cairns. We've done it so many times over the last three years that it isn't surprising and it's barely disappointing.

The dearth of on field leadership indicates that after five years of building a squad we've either got nobody who can stand up when it gets tough or nobody willing to, I'm not sure which is worse. Cotchin talks a big game during week and, increasingly it seems, on the ground after the game (what on earth is left to say?) but any chance he or Lids can't get in and stop the rot while it's happening? Selwood wouldn't stand for rubbish like that happening over and over again.

The one refreshing part of last night is that it shows the playing group is just as culpable as Hardwick and that everyone in this together. Lord knows what happens between now and the end of the year but I suspect it won't be pretty.

Leading into this game the coaches did what they should have done a few weeks and swung the axe and it's impossible to point the finger at any of the blokes who came in. Miles was solid, Batchelor about as good as you can be when the ball is whizzing in your direction at a million miles an hour, Vickery will get beat up on because he's Vickery but I thought he was OK, Vlastuin played beyond his years as always and must be counting down the days until he's a free agent and Petterd was far from our worst.

The second half was that bad that it's easy to glance over just how good Dusty's last month has been. With Astbury out of the way (sigh) he must have a decent break in the B&F at the turn, which again reminds everyone that this fucking season is only half done. Shout outs also to Messrs Houli (underrated), Ellis (unassuming), Miles (unwhy hasn't he been playing?) and Dea (under utilised over the last few years).

It's easy to say that we need (another) clean out but I'm not 100% sure that's true. Like all clubs not called Hawthorn, Port or Sydney we've got some guff on our list but who from that 22 would you hand on heart say you aren't interested in being around next year? Thomas? Griffiths? Foley? Batchelor? Personally, I have no interest whatsoever in seeing Griffiths play for Richmond again. Lets find out if Elton or McBean are any good because we go back to that well. If there are any game related trigger points on Chaplin's contract then now is the time to book him for surgery but I suspect we are stuck with him for next year, at least. It's hardly like the bad old days when we were pumping games into list cloggers and I might be railing against reality but I still reckon the problem is the method and mental state of the list rather than the players themselves. I reckon we are facing something more like Renovation Rescue than The Block.

BREAKING: seems that Ty has gone and go himself suspended along with Thomas but I've still not got any wish to see Griffiths again. O'Hanlon, Helbig and Elton for Vickery, Thomas and Griffiths please.

That's not to say we aren't short on quality and it's fair to ask questions of the direction of recruitment over the last two years. By the time everyone is washed up we'll have added 14 players via the national and rookie drafts across 2012-13 of whom only Vlastuin and Lennon will play more than 50 games. That might be harsh on McDonough but he looks woefully short of conditioning for someone who's been in the system for two years and that's impacting on this ability to find time and space.

I know last year's draft was shallow but the drafting of Sam Lloyd and Nathan Gordon is more baffling by the week. Just how close did we think we were to a flag that topping up with 20 something journeymen through the main draft (not the rookie draft) was the way to go? Now the poor buggers are like a pogo stick you bought when you were a kid, they were fun for three weeks but after a little while it starts gathering dust while you wonder why on earth you bought a pogo stick.

You'd like to hope we've got the cap room to sort out a few of these issues in the coming summer through free agents, big ticket trades, the way we are tracking we might even have pick one in the pre-season draft but I'm pretty keen on seeing lots of teenagers this time around thanks Blair. No more short cuts, because that approach has lead us into a pretty dark spot.

The thing I'm not worried about is blokes who've kicked on at other clubs in recent years. Nahas and Derickx were going nowhere at Richmond and we know Nahas can produce games like last night against average teams (sigh again) but we all also know he'll go missing against clubs worth a crumpet. Good on Derickx for finding some games at Sydney but Hampson would look like Simon Madden rucking to Kennedy, Jack and that lot. White is the one that stings, but if you were willing to match a three year contract based on what he'd produced in a decade at Richmond then you are far braver than I.

It's a shame that this had to happen after another big week for the club when Richo got inducted into the Hall of Fame.

For Richmond supporters born around the same time as I, Richo is the only superstar (not claiming Cousins) that we've seen in yellow and black. During even the very worst times Richo made getting the train to the footy worthwhile. He single handedly sold memberships to a watch a team that didn't deserved to be watched. Richo deserved better than both those around him and those who coached him and, while I'm sure he had offers, he never left. It's a shame that he didn't get a chance for more team success but his personal CV stacks up against nearly anyone else from his generation. The bloke was, and still is, a star and the video played at the Hall of Fame was a perfect summary of what he meant to Richmond and what Richmond meant to him. I still deeply miss watching him. At least Rex gets it.

As a side note, if anyone can explain to me what the hell this is about then I'd love to hear from you. Email me at: seanjhross@gmail.com. Is it the 70's and early 80's where we became so obsessed with being number one that we mortgaged the future on recruits from Collingwood and lost the bet? That bidding war that we've never recovered from, is that 'our Richmond'? I'm pretty keen to know what it means to be honest. Are we already blaming the admin staff who've kept the place financially afloat for three decades?

Time to cling onto distractions like the World Cup and the fact the Dees want to be the Yankees.

Votes

5: Dustin Martin

4: Bachar Houli

3: Brandon Ellis

2: Anthony Miles

1: Matthew Dea

Leaderboards

The Benny

22: Dustin Martin

16: Jack Riewoldt

14: David Astbury, Trent Cotchin and Brandon Ellis

13: Shaun Hampson

10: Daniel Jackson

9: Ricky Petterd

8: Reece Conca

6: Steven Morris and Bachar Houli

4: Matt Thomas, Sam Lloyd, Brett Deledio and Shaun Grigg

3: Ty Vickery, Troy Chaplin and Shane Edwards

2: Nick Vlastuin and Anthony Miles

1: Ben Griffiths, Orren Stephenson, Matthew Dea and Ben Lennon

Blair Hartley Appreciation Award

13: Shaun Hampson

9: Ricky Petterd

6: Bachar Houli

4: Matt Thomas and Shaun Grigg

3: Troy Chaplin

2: Anthony Miles

Anthony Banik Best First Year Player

4: Sam Lloyd

1: Ben Lennon

Joel Bowden’s Golden Left Boot

6: Bachar Houli

4: Shaun Grigg

3: Troy Chaplin

Greg Tivendale Rookie Medal

4: Matt Thomas

2: Anthony Miles

1: Orren Stephenson

Championship belt

Incumbent	Winner	Streak	Wins
NA	Cotchin	1	1
Cotchin	Astbury	1	1
Astbury	Riewoldt	1	1
Riewoldt	Astbury	1	2
Astbury	Petterd	1	1
Petterd	Ellis	1	1
Ellis	Conca	1	1
Conca	Martin	1	1
Martin	Riewoldt	1	2
Riewoldt	Martin	1	2
Martin	Martin	2	3